Understanding Domestic Violence: Causes, Impact, and Steps Forward

Think back to your last disagreement with a partner, spouse, or roommate. Was it about something minor—like what to cook for dinner, who pays which bills, or the thermostat setting? Or was it more serious, like buying a car, changing jobs, or moving? Most of us in relationships argue from time to time—it’s natural when sharing life and space with others. And that’s okay. Most disagreements resolve without lasting harm.

Unfortunately, there’s a darker side to this picture. While many of us find comfort and safety at home, for others, home is anything but safe. For far too many, home becomes a verbal—and sometimes physical—battleground. Arguments, often fueled by alcohol, can escalate into frightening and dangerous situations. Sadly, many people experience domestic violence.

Let’s explore the complexities of domestic violence, including its causes and the impact it has on those involved.

If you feel unsafe at home or need resources to leave an abusive situation, call the U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.

What Is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is a complex social issue. Once called “family violence,” the term “domestic violence” is now more inclusive, covering all types of relationships. It’s important to know that domestic violence isn’t just physical abuse—it can also include emotional, psychological, and financial abuse. According to Barocas et al. (2016), using a broader definition helps align standards and makes effective support more available to those affected.

How has this broader view changed our understanding? In the past, domestic violence campaigns often showed women with black eyes, implying that only women were victims. Today, we know that domestic violence doesn’t discriminate—it affects people of all genders, ages, income levels, and backgrounds.

Alcohol’s role in domestic violence is widely recognized. And contrary to common belief, people of any gender can be victims or perpetrators.

How Common Is Domestic Violence?

According to the CDC, about one in four women and one in seven men will experience physical violence from an intimate partner at some point in their lives. Each year, intimate partner violence affects over 10 million adults in the U.S.—about 3.92% of the adult population.

These numbers are alarming. To truly address domestic violence, we need to understand its dynamics and contributing factors.

Breaking Gender Stereotypes

Domestic violence isn’t limited to one gender. This challenges the outdated idea that only men can be abusive. Research shows that people of all genders can display harmful behavior, especially when alcohol is involved.

For example, Babock et al. (2019) found that among study participants, nearly equal percentages reported male-initiated violence (15%) and female-initiated violence (15.5%). About 25% reported mutual violence, while 40.2% of women and 34.5% of men said their involvement was in self-defense. This supports the idea that domestic violence is often not one-sided—both men and women may initiate or engage in mutual violence.

The Link Between Alcohol and Domestic Violence

Alcohol adds another layer of complexity to domestic violence, blending behavioral and psychological factors. To understand this link, we need to ask: Are all people who struggle with alcohol abusive? Why do some become aggressive when drinking?

Exploring this requires knowing how alcohol affects the brain, decision-making, and impulse control.

How Alcohol Affects the Brain

Alcohol is a depressant that slows the central nervous system. Drinking can initially make you feel relaxed or sociable, but too much impairs coordination, slows reaction times, and can lead to confusion or unconsciousness.

Personality and Alcohol

Studies show that emotional instability, impulsivity, personality disorders, genetic factors, and stress can combine with alcohol to trigger aggression. The American Addictions Center notes that conditions like antisocial disorder, conduct problems, and borderline personality disorder are risk factors in alcohol-related domestic violence. This highlights how complex the issue is.

How Alcohol Contributes to Domestic Violence

Alcohol impairs judgment and increases impulsivity, leading people to say or do things they wouldn’t when sober. This is called alcohol’s disinhibiting effect.

Imagine a couple sharing a bottle of wine. A small disagreement escalates into shouting, name-calling, and physical conflict due to impaired judgment and slower reactions from drinking. For some, this is a one-time event. For others, it becomes a cycle, especially if one or both struggle with alcohol abuse.

Dispelling Misconceptions

Two common myths are that all people who struggle with alcohol are abusive, or that everyone becomes aggressive when drunk. Neither is true. Many people engage in domestic violence without drinking, and many who struggle with alcohol are never violent toward a partner.

The relationship between alcohol and abuse is a complicated puzzle, influenced by personality, environment, and other factors.

What to Do If You’re Experiencing Domestic Abuse

While physical violence is a clear sign, abuse can also be nonphysical. Look for these behaviors:

• Controlling behavior: Your partner tracks your activities, contacts, or gets upset if you don’t respond immediately.
• Demanding sex: Your partner pressures you into sex based on their needs, not yours.
• Controlling decisions: Your partner dictates what you wear or how you spend money.
• Jealousy: Your partner acts irrationally jealous or accuses you of cheating without cause.
• Angry outbursts: Your partner has sudden, intense anger and blames you for it.

If you’re in the U.S. and experiencing domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233.

Action Steps to Address Domestic Violence

There are resources and steps you can take to address domestic violence:

• Educate yourself: Learn the signs of domestic violence, its forms, and how alcohol can worsen abuse.
• Communicate: Talk openly with your partner about feelings and concerns to prevent issues from escalating.
• Set boundaries: Establish clear, healthy boundaries that emphasize mutual respect and kindness.
• Encourage responsible drinking: If alcohol is part of your life, practice moderation and be aware of its impact on your relationship.
• Seek professional help: If you or someone you know is dealing with alcohol-related domestic violence, get professional support.
• Consider leaving: Leaving may be the safest option. If you choose this, make a secure, detailed plan with support in place.

Moving Forward

Understanding the complex nature of abuse and taking proactive steps can help foster healthier relationships. There are ways to build a safe, happy life free from violence. Reducing or quitting alcohol can help you see the situation more clearly and plan your next steps. Tools like Quitemate can support you in making positive changes.