How Alcohol Misuse Affects Families and Loved Ones

A common misconception about alcohol misuse is that it only impacts the person drinking—but that's far from the truth. Alcohol misuse can deeply affect family members, friends, and loved ones, which is why we often hear that alcohol ruins relationships.

In this article, we'll explore how alcoholism impacts families, including the toll it takes on children of alcoholic parents. We'll also share practical tips for helping a loved one who struggles with alcohol misuse.

Understanding Alcoholism

Before examining how alcoholism affects families, let's define what it is. Also known as alcohol use disorder (AUD), alcoholism is a chronic and complex medical condition marked by an unhealthy pattern of alcohol consumption.

Symptoms of alcohol use disorder include:

• Strong cravings for alcohol
• Physical dependence
• Inability to control drinking
• Increased tolerance (needing more alcohol for the same effect)
• Withdrawal symptoms when not drinking

Alcoholism touches nearly every part of a person's life—from physical and mental health to relationships and overall quality of life. According to the National Survey on Drug Use and Health, about 29.5 million people aged 12 and older had alcohol use disorder in 2021.

Effects of Alcoholism on Families

Research shows that roughly 1 in 10 children lives with a parent who has alcohol use disorder, and about 1 in 5 adults grew up with someone who misused alcohol. Here are some of the profound psychological and emotional effects on families:

Trust Issues

Trust is the bedrock of healthy relationships, but it's often the first casualty when a family member misuses alcohol. People with AUD may break promises, abandon plans, or neglect responsibilities, leading to a cycle of hope and disappointment for their loved ones.

Fear and Anxiety

Living with an alcoholic can create constant fear and anxiety due to unpredictable behavior. Family members may feel they're walking on eggshells, afraid to say or do anything that might trigger an outburst. This chronic stress can harm both mental and physical health, and may lead to isolation.

Arguments and Conflicts

Alcohol can make people volatile and aggressive. Families dealing with AUD often experience frequent arguments and conflicts. Studies also link alcoholism to a higher likelihood of domestic violence, which can cause long-term emotional and psychological damage and perpetuate cycles of trauma.

Children of Alcoholic Parents: Impact and Effects

Growing up with a parent who misuses alcohol can have lasting psychological and emotional effects. Here are some common challenges:

Trust Issues

Children in these households often face denial, lying, and secrecy. Broken promises—like a parent vowing to quit drinking but failing—can create deep trust issues that persist into adulthood. This may lead to difficulties in romantic relationships and a fear of conflict or angry people.

Self-Judgment and Low Self-Esteem

Children of alcoholics often develop negative self-images. Since kids depend on caregivers, their self-perception reflects how their parents treat them. Neglect or harsh words can lead to lifelong struggles with confidence, self-doubt, and feelings of inadequacy.

Skewed Notion of "Normal"

Dysfunction caused by alcohol can distort a child's understanding of what's normal. Drinking may be normalized at home, making it hard to distinguish healthy role models. Children might feel confused or self-conscious when they realize other families don't live this way.

Difficulty With Emotions

Children may take on parental roles, leading to emotions like fear, shame, anger, guilt, and denial. To cope, they may hide these feelings, which can cause them to shut down emotionally as adults—struggling to express both negative and positive emotions.

A Need for Control

Chaos and instability at home can make children feel helpless. As adults, they may develop an intense need for control over their lives, situations, or others' behavior, which can interfere with forming healthy relationships.

Hypervigilance

Children learn to be constantly aware of potential dangers, leading to hypervigilance. This heightened alertness can distract from work and relationships in adulthood, as they remain "on guard" even when threats aren't real.

Fear of Abandonment

Emotionally or physically detached parents can instill a deep fear of abandonment. Adult children might cling to toxic relationships, seek constant approval, become people-pleasers, or turn into perfectionists or workaholics to avoid criticism or being alone.

How to Deal With an Alcoholic Parent

If a parent or family member misuses alcohol, it's important to help them while protecting yourself. Here are five tips:

• Learn about alcohol misuse: Educate yourself on symptoms and treatment options. Knowledge empowers you to recognize the issue and explore solutions.
• Seek support: Join support groups like Al-Anon, SMART Recovery Family and Friends, or Alateen for teenagers. These provide community and understanding from people in similar situations.
• Set boundaries: Clearly state what behavior you will and won't accept. Establish consequences and remove yourself from unsafe situations. Boundaries protect your emotional and physical well-being.
• Present treatment options: If your loved one is open to help, suggest rehab, support groups, or counseling like cognitive behavioral therapy. Offer to accompany them to a doctor's appointment. Remember, change must come from them.
• Practice self-care: Don't neglect your own needs. Engage in activities you enjoy, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies. Lean on trusted friends for emotional support. Taking care of yourself enables you to better support others.

The Bottom Line

Alcoholism doesn't just affect the drinker—it impacts everyone around them. Family members and children of alcoholics face significant challenges, from fear and anxiety to long-term psychological effects. While you can support someone with AUD, lasting change is their responsibility. When dealing with an alcoholic loved one, prioritize your own physical, emotional, and mental health.

If you or someone you know is struggling with alcohol, consider trying Quitemate. It's a neuroscience-backed app that has helped millions reduce alcohol consumption and build healthier habits.