How to Talk to a Friend About Their Drinking

You and your friend have a regular dinner routine, but lately you've noticed changes. Your friend is drinking more heavily, and later in the week they don't seem to remember your conversations. You're concerned and want to help, but you're unsure where to start or whether you should even say anything. Is this something they can handle on their own, or can you offer support?

This article explores how to approach a friend about their drinking habits, how to recognize potential alcohol misuse, and practical ways to support them.

How Can You Tell If a Friend Has a Drinking Problem?

Drinking is common in social settings, but it's not always easy to tell when someone's alcohol use has become problematic. While there's no specific amount that indicates a problem, certain signs suggest they might need help:

• Inability to control drinking: They can't leave a drink unfinished or reduce their intake.
• Increased consumption: They're drinking more than before, at odd times, or binge drinking (four or more drinks for women, five or more for men in one sitting).
• Life impact: Drinking affects their work, relationships, or daily responsibilities. They may seem irritable, tired, or forgetful.
• Denial or lying: They become defensive or hide how much they're drinking when asked.

Learning these warning signs is a helpful first step in identifying problematic patterns.

How to Talk to a Friend About Their Drinking

Discussing drinking can feel uncomfortable, but staying silent may allow the issue to worsen. Here are tips for a supportive conversation:

• Choose the right time and place: Talk when they're sober, in a private, calm setting without distractions.
• Express concerns with care: Use "I" statements to share specific observations about how drinking affects their health or relationships.
• Keep your tone gentle: Avoid sounding accusatory; focus on compassion.
• Encourage open dialogue: Ask about stress, boredom, or other factors that might contribute to their drinking, and listen without interrupting.
• Consider involving others if needed: If they're resistant, a family meeting or doctor's visit might help, but avoid confrontational interventions.

What to Avoid When Discussing Alcohol Use

To keep the conversation productive, steer clear of these pitfalls:

• Don't take reactions personally: They might get angry or deny the issue—this isn't about you.
• Avoid threats or labels: Don't use words like "alcoholic," preach, or give ultimatums.
• Don't cover for them: Refuse to make excuses, supply alcohol, or handle their responsibilities.
• Remember it's not your fault: You can't control their choices, and you aren't to blame.

How to Help Someone Stop Drinking

If your friend acknowledges the problem, you can assist by exploring these options:

• Doctor's appointment: A healthcare provider can assess their health and recommend treatment, including medication if needed.
• Support groups: Programs like Alcoholics Anonymous offer community and coping strategies.
• Therapy: Behavioral treatments, such as CBT, address root causes and triggers.
• Treatment programs: Inpatient or outpatient rehab provides structured support for recovery.

Offer practical help, like driving to appointments or assisting with daily tasks, to show your support.

The Bottom Line

Alcohol misuse can deeply impact a person's life. By educating yourself, approaching your friend with kindness, and guiding them toward resources, you can play a positive role in their journey. While you can't force change, your support matters. If they're interested in reducing alcohol use, you might suggest tools like Quitemate, a neuroscience-based app that helps people cut back gradually—though it's not a substitute for professional treatment.