Managing Jealousy in Relationships

Your partner has been working closely with a new coworker who is both intelligent and attractive. You start worrying they might develop feelings for this person, and soon these concerns turn into bitterness. You find yourself scrolling through social media looking for signs of infidelity.

Jealousy is a powerful emotion that can be hard to control. It can create chaos, damage relationships, and interfere with your happiness. If you're wondering how to overcome jealousy, handle a jealous partner, or prevent jealousy from harming your relationships, it's time to understand it better. This article explores what jealousy is, why it can be problematic, and offers practical tips for managing it effectively.

What Is Jealousy?

We've all felt jealousy—that "green-eyed monster" we're warned about. It's a complex emotion that typically arises when we fear losing someone or something important to us.

Jealousy is different from envy. Envy involves wanting what someone else has, like a friend's new car or a colleague's promotion. Jealousy, however, is often accompanied by resentment, anger, hostility, and feelings of inadequacy. It usually stems from insecurity, low self-esteem, or a fear of being unworthy. In severe cases, jealousy can lead to paranoia, distrust, or even abuse.

How Jealousy Happens

Jealousy is most common in romantic relationships. For example, you might feel jealous if your partner spends a lot of time with someone who seems threatening. Studies show that men and women experience jealousy differently: men are often more concerned about sexual infidelity, while women tend to worry more about emotional connections.

Jealousy can also occur in friendships, families, or at work. You might feel jealous when a sibling gets praised for an achievement or a coworker receives a promotion you wanted.

Is Jealousy Really All That Bad?

Despite its negative reputation, jealousy is a natural emotion. In small doses, it can remind us to value our relationships. For example, friendship jealousy might help protect a close bond.

The real issue isn't feeling jealous—it's how we handle it. Unchecked jealousy can harm relationships and even cause physical symptoms like headaches, insomnia, or high blood pressure. Pathological jealousy, which may stem from mental health conditions, can be particularly dangerous and often requires professional help.

How To Get Over Jealousy

Understanding and managing jealousy can improve your relationships and overall well-being. Here are 10 effective strategies:

• Acknowledge Your Feelings: Admit when you're feeling jealous without judging yourself. Recognizing the emotion is the first step to managing it.
• Reflect on the Root of Your Jealousy: Identify what's really causing your jealousy—whether it's insecurity, fear, or past experiences. Understanding the source helps you address it.
• Voice Your Concerns: Talk calmly with the person involved. Explain your feelings without accusing them, which can strengthen communication and trust.
• Identify Your Needs: Use jealousy as a clue to unmet needs. Ask yourself what you truly want and how you can work toward it.
• Cultivate Self-Love: Boost your self-esteem by focusing on your strengths, practicing positive self-talk, and engaging in activities you enjoy.
• Practice Mindfulness: Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Mindfulness helps you observe jealousy without letting it control you.
• Practice Gratitude for What You Have: Keep a gratitude journal to remind yourself of the good things in your life, which can reduce jealous feelings.
• Take a Break: Step away when emotions run high. Journal, meditate, or exercise to gain perspective and calm down.
• Talk to a Trusted Friend: Share your feelings with someone you trust. Venting can provide relief and help you see things more clearly.
• Talk to a Therapist: Seek professional help if jealousy becomes overwhelming. A therapist can help you uncover underlying issues and develop coping strategies.

The Bottom Line

Jealousy is a normal emotion, but it becomes problematic when it takes over your life and relationships. The key is to acknowledge your feelings rather than ignore them. If you're using unhealthy coping mechanisms like excessive drinking, consider trying Quitemate—a neuroscience-backed app that helps people build healthier habits and improve their well-being.