When Addiction Changes Someone You Love

Addiction can transform our loved ones into people we barely recognize. Sometimes these changes happen over years, other times in just weeks. You might notice your friend, partner, child, or parent withdrawing—spending more time alone, canceling plans, lying, or even stealing. Recovery can feel both within reach and impossibly distant at the same time.

But recovery is possible. Many people have overcome addiction, and your loved one can too. While supporting them, it's crucial to also care for your own mental and physical health.

The Challenges of Loving Someone With Addiction

Loving someone struggling with addiction can be exhausting, frustrating, and heartbreaking. As Emilie Pine wrote in Notes to Self, "It is hard to love an addict. Not only practically difficult... but metaphysically hard. It feels like bashing yourself against a wall... It makes your heart hard."

If this describes your experience, you're not alone. According to the 2022 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, approximately 29.5 million people ages 12 and older had alcohol use disorder in the past year. Combined with drug addiction cases, the numbers are staggering.

Don't lose hope—recovery is absolutely possible. Meanwhile, prioritize self-care and seek support from others who understand.

Understanding Addiction: Quotes for Family Members

Addiction affects not just the individual but everyone around them. These quotes help illuminate the nature of addiction:

• "Drinkers think they are trying to escape, but really they are trying to overcome a mental disorder they didn't know they had." — Matthew Perry
• "We're all running from pain. Some of us take pills. Some couch surf while binge-watching Netflix... Yet all this trying to insulate ourselves from pain seems only to have made our pain worse." — Anna Lembke
• "No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path." — Buddha

Supporting an Addict: Quotes for Family and Friends

Finding balance when supporting someone with addiction is challenging. These insights can help:

• "My identity shifted when I got into recovery. That's who I am now, and it actually gives me greater pleasure to have that identity than to be a musician or anything else." — Eric Clapton
• "I used to spend so much time reacting and responding to everyone else that my life had no direction... Once I realized it was okay for me to think about what I wanted, remarkable things began to take place." — Melody Beattie
• "We rescue people from their responsibilities... Later we get mad at them for what we've done. Then we feel used and sorry for ourselves. That is the pattern." — Melody Beattie

For Children of Addicts: Coping With Parental Struggles

When parents struggle with addiction, children often become caretakers. These thoughts may help:

• "We are lovable. Even if the most important person in your world rejects you, you are still real, and you are still okay." — Melody Beattie
• "Our parents can show us a lot of things: they can show us how we are to be... or they can show us how not to be and what things we ought to stray from." — C. JoyBell C.
• "Detaching does not mean we don't care. It means we learn to love, care, and be involved without going crazy." — Melody Beattie

Coping With Loss: Quotes for When Addiction Takes a Life

Sometimes despite our best efforts, outcomes are tragic. These words may bring comfort:

• "Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart." — José N. Harris
• "We are all the pieces of what we remember. We hold in ourselves the hopes and fears of those who love us. As long as there is love and memory, there is no true loss." — Cassandra Clare
• "Life seems sometimes like nothing more than a series of losses... How you respond to those losses, what you make of what's left, that's the part you have to make up as you go." — Katharine Weber

When Drugs Come First: Quotes to Ease the Pain

Addiction can make it seem like substances matter more than relationships. These perspectives might help:

• "I have no power at all over people, places and things, and if I ever for a moment mistakenly believe that I do, pain is on its way." — Russell Brand
• "We don't have to take things so personally... Saying 'If you loved me you wouldn't drink' to an alcoholic makes as much sense as saying 'If you loved me, you wouldn't cough' to someone with pneumonia." — Melody Beattie
• "Sometimes, no matter how hard we try for someone and hope they will get better—they never do... You might not be Thor but they can surely be Loki and hold you prisoner to their trickster nature." — Sijdah Hussain

Looking Forward With Hope

Addiction leaves its mark on everyone involved, but there is always hope. Thousands of people—including many in the Quitemate community—have found recovery and now live happier, healthier lives. Remember that support is available, and we wish you strength on your journey. The Quitemate community is here to help along the way.